


False Hope

by fevilix



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 15:49:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18252980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fevilix/pseuds/fevilix
Summary: a love wasn’t returned, feelings were hidden, a fate was sealed.





	False Hope

“hyung.. i love you.”

the younger had finally gained enough courage to confess to the older. his feelings being there ever since he laid eyes on him.

he gained more feelings and had loved him even more after the kiss he gave him on the cheek for a “penalty.”

he seriously had loved him.

but it was a one-sided love.

“i’m so sorry _lix_ , but i just don’t feel that way about you.”

his heart shattered into a million pieces, feeling empty as _changbin_ turned away from him and started walking away. tears streamed down his face as he started to feel worse, he felt sick.

his vision blurred a bit, he felt nauseous. felix clutched onto his stomach feeling like he was going to throw up. he doubled over on his knees, slightly looking up to see the figure of changbin farther away.

he blurred too.

the color drained from his world, changing his entire perspective to a dark gray hue.

he coughed.

pink mandevilla flowers came out of his mouth. filled his throat and corrupted his lungs.

he coughed up more, feeling his breathing get rapid as the flowers made it harder to regain his oxygen. he cried even more clutching onto his throat with both hands.

he wanted to scream but all he did was choke.

 _he_ did this to him. felix did it to himself for loving someone he can’t have and probably wouldn’t have never been able to have.

even so, he still loved changbin.. and he hated himself for doing so.

 

for dance practice he wore a doctors’ mask. he covered up his issue with just that. he kept coughing continuously. when the others weren’t paying attention, he would press his delicate hands against the mask and let some of the tears fall as more flowers came up out of his throat because of the unbearable angst he was feeling.

the other members didn’t know what was happening to him.. or changbin. he completely avoided the younger, shoving him away when he came even slightly near him.

the only one who knew about what was going on with felix was chris. he tried his best to get his fellow aussie back on track, to _cure_ him.

the more felix coughed, the more flowers would suffocate him. he would have choked out sobs come out of him every day when he woke up and every night before he went to sleep.

(“every day, every night, feel like a fool—” i’ll go home)

he was tired of feeling like shit.

felix started to come to practice first, only to leave way early before everyone else. he just wanted to be as far away as possible from the others.

he didn’t know what to do with himself. changbin avoided him like an asshole and didn’t like having any contact with him at all.

he felt like he fucked up his living. he should’ve kept things the way they were, to had kept his his feelings inside of him. he wouldn’t be suffering right now if he did.

the other members still have no idea what the tension is around the two— _except for chris._

chris knows everything. he knew about felix’s feelings for changbin, how lovestruck he was. he supported him with his decisions because he wanted to always be there for the younger. he was the only one who knew of his sexuality— bisexual.

 

on the night when felix was talking to him, he talked with so much passion in his eyes, with the biggest grin on his _perfect_ face. he really did feel something for the elder. felix had excitedly told chris about his plan to confess to changbin and how he wanted to go about doing it.

not knowing it was all _false hope._

chris always watched with endearment, a small grin forming slowly. he _loved_ listening to felix talk, _loved_ having him just be the happy person he thought of him to be.. _wanted him_ to be.

it crushes him to see felix the way he was now. to have him suffer right before his eyes. he missed the beautiful smile that would be on his face but now all he sees on him is a _mask_ , stowing away his emotions.

chris wanted to cry _for him._ his best friend is dying slowly and he doesn’t know what he can do to help.

 

felix was sick of choking up flowers every single minute of the day. it just reminds him of everything that happened on that day, his mind replaying the entire scene like film cinema tape.

he’s thought about it for a while and came to the decision of having the flowers surgically removed.

even with the _consequences_.

losing all his feelings..

 

after practice, he finally decided to stop procrastinating and make an appointment to go to the hospital. he’s coughed up so many petals that he even bled a few times when he did.

he was reaching his breaking point.

no one knew about the appointment he made, he was able to leave without anyone bothering or stopping him. ready to finish off his feelings once and for all.

 

felix wasn’t at practice for a week straight, the other members were beginning to worry about where he was. even changbin himself was worried about the younger.

no one has seen him. no one has heard from him. it’s like he’d had cut off most strings to his life.

chan gathered the members to question when was the last time anyone has actually remembered his last whereabouts.

nothing came up.

a click was heard at the door, everyone turned to look at it. the door opens revealing the said boy but he didn’t look anything like himself.

the bright smile that was usually on his face was no longer there, now placed with what seemed like a permanent frown. the light from his eyes were gone, they’re now lifeless with the look of pain in them. his beautiful honey skin was now sickeningly pale.

something stood out on his body to everyone though. it was the freshly closed scar across his neck from his surgery. he was no longer coughing, he was no longer suffering from his pain. no mask.

he was _“free.”_

 

a few days later, chan is still supporting his fellow aussie. he thought that he’d be able to bring up his mood in any sort of way. talking to him about all the positive things that have happened in the past few weeks.

felix talked to chan monotonously, no emotion in his voice. it broke chan’s heart to see him like this, one of his best friends were slowly fading away.

chris reached out his hand, grabbing the other’s. he held felix’s hand in his delicately, his warmth protruding into the blonde’s strangely freezing ones.

felix looked down at both of their hands blankly before intertwining his fingers with the older. he leaned over and laid his head down on chris’s shoulder, feeling him tense up and feel his pulse speed up with the close contact.

tears began to fall from felix’s eyes, he leaned more into chan’s arm, gripping onto his sleeve. chris held felix close to him in a loving embrace, rubbing his back soothingly. tears threatened to fall from the leader’s eyes but he held them back, he wanted to be strong for the younger so he kept his emotions inside.

if only he had told felix what he felt instead of holding back. maybe things would’ve turned out differently. 

maybe.. he’d still be here.

 

the members, close friends, relatives all gathered around him in his vanilla casket. his body, dressed in a nice black tuxedo.

everyone close to him, shedding tears, his family, their hearts were broken to see that they have lost a friend.. a brother.. a relative.. family. his parents will never be the same after losing their precious son.

changbin hated himself for what has happened, that it was all his fault, that he was the one who _killed_ him.

it was chan’s turn after everyone else gave their condolences. he kneeled down on the little bench kneeler by the casket. he leaned over looking in on his best friend. he looked so at peace for some reason, after everything he’d been through, why?

tears finally fell from chris’s face as he kept his eyes on felix’s frame, never looking away. he sobbed, he wished that he could’ve been there to stop him. he wished that he could’ve made him happy when he felt like he had no one there for him.

chris reaches in, grabbing ahold of one of felix’s freezing hands, he smiled softly to himself, his eyes still glossy with flowing tears.

“felix baby..” his voice cracked. he took in a deep breath. lip trembling while he thumb rubbed felix’s knuckles.

“i love you..” he whispered.

without being able to control himself anymore, chan went outside in the cold. his face turned red along with his tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes.

he looked up at the sky, searching for the biggest, brightest star up there.

“I bet that one up there is you..” he breathed. “you were always the brightest star to me.. you _always_ were.”

more tears began to flow.

“i always wanted to be there for you.”

“always wanted to..”

“for _you.”_

_“it was always for you.”_

choked up sobs began to spill from chan’s mouth. he started coughing erratically. he bent over, falling to his knees, continuously coughing.

on one particular cough..

_white peonies._

an _unrequited love._

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work on here. i’m not sure if it’ll be a good work to other people but i tried my best. i’m not very good with dialogue either, english isn’t my first language. this made me cry while typing. i hope whoever reads it, likes it?


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